Bullet Proof Blizzard
by Hasty
Summary: Ikkaku's scheme rapidly gets out of hand. Unless he does something drastic, he might be stuck with Fifth Division.
1. Chapter 1

_**Luckily for all of you, I don't own Bleach. This is yet another crack-bunny. Post Winter War, no real pairings, mentions of character deaths and reorganization. Theme: Windbringer by the Crux-shadows.**_

Ikkaku Madarame reviewed the list of candidates. Now that everything was over, he was going to take over Fifth and he had to choose a lieutenant. He didn't regret using bankai to save Urahara-sensei, but he did wish he'd used it sooner. He did regret the Shrimpette's death. Hiyori wouldn't have died, if he'd gotten over his stupid pride.

Iba's idea of getting Yumi to use his shikai to subdue Aizen while Ikkaku, Isshin, Kenpachi, Shinji and Ichigo charged at Aizen had probably saved the day. Iba's bankai and Yachiru's and Saskakibe's shikai releases had bought valuable time for the injured to get to safety.

Everything had been changing since then. Ukitake retired, Isshin Kurosaki took over Thirteenth, Isane Kotetsu was supervising Tenth's reorganization, temporarily, and Yumichika was over at Second, taking the deceased Oomeda's place. Renji was Ninth's captain now.

He could poach Shuuhei, but that seemed like a dirty trick to play on his former student. Ikkaku would've asked one of the Vizards to be his vice-captain, but Lisa and Mashiro were just too weird, and asking Hachi would've ensured that the damnbrat would be at Fifth all the time. Hachi was too busy anyway. Most of the living Vizards had gone back to the Transient World, only four of them were staying on permanently.

Yachiru'd come by anyway, but when she wasn't with Kenpachi, she was getting to know her grandparents and cousin. He could ask Yachiru to be his vice-captain, but he suspected Taicho would throw him through a wall. Her other relatives might decide to use him for target practice.

He smiled suddenly. Rukia Kuchiki might be willing to take Hinamori's place. If he asked her to be his vice-captain, he'd cause so much uproar that a captaincy would never loom over his head again. Someone else might give her the badge she deserved, and he'd get to stay by Taicho's side. Perfect.

888

"I beg your pardon?" Rukia said.

"I want you to be my vice-captain," Ikkaku repeated.

"Are you drunk?"

"Stone sober. Here, I'll prove it."

He launched into the Eleventh's version of "Do your ears hang low?" (With the appropriate dance steps of course.)

"Do your intestines hang low, do they wobble to and fro..."

After five minutes, Rukia yelped, "Stop, please. Haven't you considered any other candidates? Nemu Kurotsuchi?"

"Over Mayuri's dead body. And he's too damn difficult to kill."

"Matsumoto? Or Kira-kun?"

"Retiring. Once Isane's got Tenth running and they get a new captain, Ran's gonna move to the Urahara Shoten. Kira's retiring once Kensei gets Third sorted. Looks like he and Soi Fong are gonna retire and raise brats. "

The Seireitei's impending baby boom was a whole 'nother can of worms. Kenpachi was beginning to show signs of broodiness as well, and Ikkaku wanted to be very far away when Yachiru got a sibling.

"Lisa Yadomaru or Mashiro Kuma?"

"Too damn weird, the both of them. Kuma's like Yachiru's more annoying older sister. If I didn't know better, I'd swear they were related. Lisa's worse than Kyoraku- I'd never get any work done, 'cause she'd be off chasing the boys and stealing everyone's underwear."

His own underwear drawer had suffered from Lisa's hobby, as had Rangiku's and Yoruichi's. The latter victim claimed that Lisa had once stolen her uniform as well, but from what Ikkaku had seen, Yoruichi tended to view clothing as optional.

"Hanataro?"

"The little squeaky kid? Unohana warned me off."

"How about Ushoda-san?"

"Rebuilding the kido forces. Yoruichi snagged Yumi, before you ask."

"Orihime?"

"I'd have to wait fifty years or more, and Fourth called dibs. Don't even talk about Sado, he and Ichigo have a patrol unit each and they're busy organizing the rotas. Like I said, you were the first person that came ta mind. I ain't gonna say this often, but you impress the hell outta me, and I think we'd work well together."

He wasn't lying, not really. The few times Eleventh and Thirteenth'd gone on missions together, Rukia always racked up a respectable number of kills. The one time they'd scrapped, Ikkaku had been impressed by her strength. She'd lost, but she'd made him work up a sweat. Although he didn't intend to make her a lieutenant, the other captains might take note of her and give her the rank she deserved.

"I'll consider it," Rukia said, flattered. "But please, give up the roofing tar."

"For the last time, it's puerh tea. It's supposed to taste like that. Meet me in the training grounds tomorrow- I want ta see what ya can do."

"I don't care what kind of tea it is- it eats spoons!" Rukia called after him.

888

There were three reasons Ikkaku and the Kurosaki family did not, as a rule, get along.

Ikkaku thought Isshin was frivolous, Karin still bore a grudge about the time Ikkaku had done his damn best to kill Ichigo, and Yuzu had a huge crush on Yumichika and saw him as a rival.

Ikkaku disliked Isshin the most- especially when he was unleashing his inner anaconda on innocent shinigami. Like now.

"Madarame, you have seen the wonderful talent of my future daughter in law," Isshin boomed. "Please take good care of her!"

"Could you stop squeezing me?" Ikkaku wheezed. His poor ribs...

"Oh right, sorry. I'll go inform Sou-taicho Yamamoto of this wonderful occurrence! And I would give my blessing if you wished to marry Karin!"

"She keeps trying ta kill me!"

"Young love takes many forms!" Isshin shouted back.

888

"Prettty-chan!" Yachiru called, "Did you hear the news! Baldy asked Rabbit to be his vice-captain! Isn't it great?"

Yumichika sighed. _I knew he'd do something stupid. Oh well. Dying by Byakuya's blade would be a very beautiful way to go._

"I knew it! You're jealous of Rabbit-chan, aren't you?"

"I am not jealous of her. Running Fifth would be more work than I care to do."

Yoruichi smiled. "Ayasegawa, you can do my paperwork if you're done with yours."

"Shihouin-taicho, if I do too much work, I'll get wrinkles!"

"The horror," Yoruichi said dryly. "Make sure you don't skip your kido lesson today. I can only lie to Nanao so many times."

888

Renji, Byakuya, and Ichigo were gathered around the dinner table when Rukia came in.

"Good timing, shortcakes," Ichigo called. "Food's almost ready."

Byakuya shot him a glare. Even after fighting together, even though Ichigo and Rukia spent almost all their free time together, he still found Ichigo's informality jarring. He'd gotten used to Renji's insouciance. To an extent.

"I have good news. I'm going to be the vice-captain..."

"Finally!" Renji yelped. "Ukitake-sama must have leaned on Isshin Shiba-dono!"

"Of Fifth Division under Madarame-taicho."

Any fly nearby would have had its choice of open mouths.

"_Ikkaku_?" Renji finally asked, breaking the stunned silence.

"Yes."

"Are you sure he was sober?"

888

"Madarame, get your fuckin' ass in here!"

Ikkaku managed to skid into the office and knocked his head against the floor. Kenpachi sounded pissed, so slathering on the politeness wouldn't hurt.

Yachiru was out with Hachi- she wouldn't be back till later. She was still expected to be in bed by midnight, but that was late for a person who was elevenish. The little brat had grown up so fast. Che, you'd think he was her big brother or somethin.'

"Yes, taicho?" Ikkaku said innocently.

"I heard you asked Rukia Kuchiki to be your vice-captain."

"Damn, the grapevine moves fast. "

"I heard it from her. She seems ta think you were drunk or drugged. I'd like an explanation, before I ship ya off to Fourth."

"We scrapped once before. Remember? She's strong. If it weren't for her brother, she'd have been promoted ages ago. I wanna give her a chance, that's all."

"Ya think you can work with her? I'd suggest you pick Iba, but he's got his hands full. I visited Komamura today and... He ain't looking too well. "

"Sorry to hear that. Anyway, I think we'll do all right. She's smart as a whip, and all she needs is a little more combat training."

"So, you were serious," Kenpachi said, smiling. "I always knew you'd smack a hornet nest for shits and giggles. Well, I'll play along. She'll make a good vice-captain for anyone."

Ikkaku's grin vanished.

Oh god. He'd finally come up with a fool-proof plan to avoid the captaincy, and everyone thought he was serious.

"One last thing, Ikkaku. After next week, it's Kenpachi."

Ikkaku nodded. Kenpachi dismissed him, and he headed back to his quarters thoughtfully.

He didn't want to be the taicho's equal, he told himself. He wanted to grind Kenpachi down in the dirt, just like the captain had done to him so many years ago.

Hozukimaru chuckled, but he ignored the ornery zanpakuto.

At least he could trust Renji, Ichigo and Byakuya to do their best to disqualify him. In Byakuya's case, the noble'd do his best to kill him.

_Bring it on, fuckers!_

888

Byakuya Kuchiki sharpened Senbonzakura. Zanpakutos, in theory, shouldn't need to be sharpened, but they enjoyed being tended. Byakuya needed absolute focus to think of a plan.

If Madarame was going to be an idiot, he needed to be punished appropriately. Renji might be willing to let it slide, Ichigo seemed too stunned to do anything- so it was up to Byakuya to resolve this situation.

If Ukitake or Iba, or even Isshin had asked, he'd have simply stepped aside. However, the idea of a man like Madarame giving a _Kuchiki _orders grated across Byakuya's nerves. In light of the shortage of qualified shinigami, he'd leave Madarame alive. But a few more scars just might teach the man not to meddle with the Kuchikis.

**1. Don't get me wrong, I liked Hiyori. I do feel bad about 'killing' her but I really can't see how she survived. As for Hitsugaya- I dunno where he is in this. Hinamori's probably dead, but that decision is pending. Rose, Tessai, Hachi and Kensei are the only ones staying in Soul Society.**

**2. Isshin 'died' in his gigai, so he had no choice but to return to Soul Society. Karin and Yuzu are splitting their time between Soul Society and the Living World. Ichigo and Sado got the two patrol units of Soul Society- those are only loosely tied to the Gotei 13, although Seventh and Tenth used to have close ties to those units. **

**3. Just to straighten things out now: This is NOT going to be an Ikkaku/Rukia romance fic. As per the tags, it's a sort of developing friendship. Pairings are between the lines only, and both Ikkaku and Rukia are interested in other people.**

**_I'm so going to hell for this. All shipping wars to the right lane, please. Ladies and gentlemen, start your flamethrowers._**


	2. Ten Years from now, a hundred ago

**I don't own anyone or anything. Luckily for poor Ikkaku. Chapter theme: No Song Unheard, by the Hellacopters.**

"Dance, Sode no Shirayuki!"

"Grow, Hozukimaru!"

Rukia flashstepped, dodging Hozukimaru's tip. She drew first blood, stepping behind Ikkaku and raking his shoulder. Ikkaku swung Hozukimaru back in a sweep, knocking her off her feet. She gritted her teeth and got up, earning her own scratch when she failed to dodge another strike.

_I'm glad we agreed to three strikes,_ she thought. _He's improved, but he's still holding back. Well, let's see how far we can push him, Shirayuki._

"First Dance- Tsukishiro!"

"Hozukimaru- expand!"

She nearly tripped over one of Hozukimaru's segments. That was a new trick. And he'd dodged Tsukishiro quite neatly. All right then, time to take things up a notch.

"Second Dance- Hakuren!"

Ikkaku reformed Hozukimaru and whirled it around his head, shielding himself from the ice missiles. Rukia faltered in mid-step, remembering another spear-wielder. She winced as the pain from his second strike hit, and Shirayuki was knocked away from her hands.

"Who were you seeing?" Ikkaku called. "That's why the Noveno almost got ya! Fight _me_, not your memories!"

Damned blabbermouth redheads. If Renji hadn't told his old sensei everything, Ichigo and Orihime had probably filled in the gaps. But she'd be willing to bet that none of them knew her ace-in-the hole.

"Third dance- Shirafune!"

888

"He just handed her the match," Kenpachi grumbled. Tatsuki, next to him, frowned thoughtfully.

"I don't see how," Ichigo objected.

"Watch," Ukitake advised.

Ichigo did as he was told. His jaw dropped open when Rukia ducked under Ikkaku's spear and slashed. They both earned another cut each, and ended the match. The ice blade melted away in Rukia's hands. Shirayuki and Hozukimaru returned to their normal forms and were stowed away. Their masters bowed to each other- the sparring session had been both entertaining and enlightening.

Rukia flushed when she realized they'd had an audience. Yachiru was perched on Sado's shoulder, and talked animatedly into a walkie-talkie. Ukitake poured out another mug of houjicha and sipped it. Kenpachi was discussing the match with Tatsuki, who had a glazed expression on her face. Rose tipped his head to her, and then asked Saskakibe to pass the Darjeeling. Ichigo nodded to the duo, made his farewells and left. He had a lot of meetings these days. Sado passed them two mugs of cold barley tea.

"Hey, Kuchiki-jo, have you considered Third Division?" Rose asked. "Kensei needs some help to clean up the mess that Ichimaru's made of my division."

"No. Too many bad memories, and I don't wish Mugarame-san any harm."

"Otoribashi, make Mugarame do his own poaching," Ikkaku grumbled. Poaching was a time-honored tradition in the Gotei 13. Yoruichi had poached Yumichika from Sixth by climbing up on Sixth's roof with a bull horn, broadcasting tales about Byakuya's childhood.

"Kuchiki-kun's really changed. He used to be such a sweet boy. A hundred years later, and he's turned into his grandfather," Rose sighed.

"Byakuya-bo's not quite that bad," Ukitake protested.

"Do you mean his gramps had a log up his ass, and Byakushi's only got a splinter?" Yachiru asked.

Rose glared at her. "I ought to wash your mouth out with soap, cousin. I used to babysit your mother, and I'm sure she wouldn't approve of you using that kind of language."

"Oi, idiot- either raise your own brats or lay off of mine," Kenpachi growled.

"Parenting can't be _that_ hard. I can't wait until I have a little one of my own."

Kenpachi and Saskakibe exchanged glances and broke into laughter.

"Madarame, I'll catch up to you," Sado said. "Ukitake, did Kotetsu-san get those personnel records I asked for?"

"Yes, they're on my desk. I think you should pay close attention to Furude-san. Forgive me,everyone, but I have to go."

"Excuse me, the show pony has to trit-trot to classes," Tatsuki said. She stuck out her tongue at Ikkaku as she passed. Ikkaku tried not to be amused. Dying had put her in a bad mood, especially when she was around Ichigo. Both she and Isshin had died messily and publicly, so there was no hope of staging a miraculous recovery.

Classes at the Academy currently only convened once a week, and the majority of students were either apprenticed or parceled out into teams. Kenpachi had taken Tatsuki on as his apprentice, partly because she looked like his old teacher, but mostly because he liked her style.

Thank god Kenpachi was happily paired off with another woman- the idea of not-so-little Tatlings was a seriously scary thought. Besides, Ikkaku kinda liked her and was hoping he could talk her into the idea of a romp or two.

"Hey," Yachiru chirped. "I could be Pincushion's vice-captain."

"Over his dead body," Kenpachi growled. "And quit hanging all over Yasutora- he's taken and you know it."

The little group broke up shortly after that. Rose had a guitar to kidnap, Kenpachi and Yachiru had a division to mind, and Saskakibe had blueprints to organize. Sado had a meeting after he interviewed Furude. Ikkaku had a meeting too- he was getting annoyed at being forced to trot to and from First.

888

"Madarame, can I speak with you?" Sado asked,catching up with Ikkaku on their way back from First.

"Sure. The paperwork can wait," Ikkaku replied. "Let me guess-this is about Kuchiki, isn't it?"

"Mm-hm. I don't mind about the sparring- it's good for Ichigo to see that Kuchiki isn't a doll. But I've been hearing stories from Kira and others. Kuchiki had good reason to be afraid of Ichimaru."

"Your point?" Ikkaku snapped. Something flickered in Sado's face.

"_If you hurt her like Aizen hurt Hinamori, or Gin hurt Kira, you'd better pray that Ichigo comes looking for you,_" Sado growled._ "He's nice, you see. Ishida and I ain't."_

Ikkaku shivered. Then, just as quickly, the young man's face flickered again. Sado was now fully in control of himself. Since Hueco Mundo, the hollow part of him had become more powerful, but it'd been part of him since he was born, so he had more control over it.

"Just so you know where you stand," he said. "By the way, Iba's hiding out at Fourth, if you wanted to see him today. He said his division's infested with aunts. And Shinji said he'll treat you to lunch."

"So, why are you taking Ashido?" Ikkaku asked, changing the subject. "Everyone figured you'd pick Rangiku."

"Ichigo'll treat her fairly. I'd be too tempted to spoil her. Ashido and I get along pretty well- we're alike in a lot of ways."

88

"So, how much do you know about Rukia Kuchiki?" Shinji asked over lunch."Is she Ginrei's? Cause I know Byakuya Kuchiki's an orphan."

Ikkaku munched his steamed bun thoughtfully and considered his answer.

"Kuchiki was adopted as an adult," he finally said. "She's Byakuya's wife's little sister. Most of what I know of her is from Renji and Yachiru-fukutaicho. She's pretty strong, and we scrapped once. She was kinda in love with the lieutenant of Thirteenth, before he kicked it."

"That's it?" Shinji asked. Admittedly, it was more than he knew about Sosuke Aizen or Ichimaru.

"There's no way in hell she'd pull what Aizen tried. Kuchiki's got more cause than most to hate the Seireitei, but she chose to stay and fight," Ikkaku said with some heat. "Anyone who'll put their life on the line for their friends is someone I can respect."

"Hah. Look, I'm tryin' to watch out for ya," Shinji said, his Rukon accent thickening. "The way I see it, you're gonna make the same mistake I did. If I'd chosen someone else, if I'd watched Tousen like a hawk, traded Ichimaru to Ukitake like he'd wanted-"

"Same outcome, different players," Ikkaku said. "Aizen would done what he did no matter who he served under."

Shinji bonked his head against the table. "No, it's my fault. Always gonna be my fault. Blamed Urahara for it, but I can't get away from it.."

Ikkaku punched him, making his head snap back.

"Hey, what was that for?" Shinji squawked.

"You were wallowing again. Aizen mighta fooled you, but he fooled everybody. Don't think you're so special. Kuchiki's no Aizen, all right? She's no Hinamori and she sure as hell ain't Ichimaru. Quit acting like this, or Sarugaki'll come back just to kick your ass."

Shinji paled beneath the burn scars on his face. (He'd tried to get one last strike in at Aizen before Yamamoto's final strike, and had paid for it.) He slammed down some money on the table and stormed out. Ikkaku shrugged. He'd spoken the truth. If Shinji wanted to play the martyr, that wasn't Ikkaku's fault.

888

"Get him out of my division," Unohana said, shoving Iba at Ikkaku. "He's done all he can do here, and I don't run a hotel. If you'll excuse me, I have to give Sajin-san his bath now."

Orihime waved at Ikkaku, pushing Komamura along. She seemed to be almost back to her old self, but from what Ikkaku heard, she wanted to go back to the Living World as soon as she could. Ishida was already there, helping his father with the rebuilding effort. Ikkaku had to agree with Kenpachi's assessment of Komamura. He'd clearly been losing weight and his coat looked dull.

888

"Y'know, I used to have such a crush on Unohana-taicho when I was a kid," Iba mused.

"Don't let the younger Kotetsu hear you say that. I assume you're hiding out 'cause of the wedding?"

"Yeah. I wish the King hadn't decided to make the clan into a major noble family. Ise came up with the idea of hiding the royal family, I just brought her into the planning sessions."

Hiding the royal family among the Kuchiki house nins had turned out to be utterly brilliant_. _The defense plan had been an elegant, Rube Goldbergian piece of design, and Iba had organized most of it and brought in the key players.

Ise had been elevated to nobility, and whatever Iba might say, Ikkaku was willing to bet he didn't mind being a major player now.

"Without you and your clan, there wouldn't have been any planning sessions. The Rukon defense and the brat brigades were your ideas too, weren't they?"

"I just suggested a plan of action to people who could carry them out. I didn't order any of them to do it," Iba said, shrugging.

"Whatever. By the way, could ya pare down the guest list? Zaraki-taicho's getting real snarky about it."

"I'll see what I can do. Kiyo'd like to be rid of most of the aunts. She says the next time someone asks if she's pregnant, she's going to use them for hollow bait."

"I take it she isn't?" Ikkaku asked. He still couldn't figure why Iba and Kiyone had gotten engaged-_again. _But they were adults, so they could do whatever they wanted. None of his business, really. He reminded himself to stock up on sake, just in case. 

"I'd be the second person to know if she was, so no. We really should've eloped. Then again, this isn't as bad as what Byakuya's aunt did to Renji."

"I haven't heard that story."

"She sent him a copy of the Kama Sutra- with handwritten helpful hints."

_Note to self- avoid the honorable aunties_, Ikkaku thought. It was Renji's own damn fault for getting involved with the Kuchiki heir.

888

Ikkaku stretched out full length on the porch. He'd dropped by Ninth- Renji'd been disgustingly smug about the upcoming promotion. And now here he was, back home. With Yumichika gone, it wasn't much like home, anymore.

Yachiru was actually doing paperwork, inside, while Kenpachi memorized his lines for Iba's upcoming wedding. After Ukitake's retirement, Kenpachi'd been left to conduct the ceremony by himself. Komamura's illness precluded him from taking an active part in the festivities.

A few char holes suggested that the kido lessons the two had had earlier were becoming more advanced, but Ikkaku winced at the state of the tool shed. He'd have to rebuild that damn thing, again!

Tatsuki zipped by, yelling something about missing the running of the Home Ec teachers and it being all Ichigo's fault. From his time in high school, Ikkaku had gathered that Home Ec teachers were some sort of super-teachers that one placated with food. He didn't need three guesses to figure out who they were afraid of.

He noticed Byakuya Kuchiki coming up the walk. What was he doing here? Judging from his reiatsu, he was mad as hell about something. Ikkaku grinned, and flashstepped to the training grounds.

"Running away, Madarame?" Byakuya asked.

"Nope, not at all. I just don't want anyone interfering."

Byakuya smiled slightly.

"Scatter, Senbonzakura."

Ikkaku smiled. Oh,yeah, this'd be fun.

"Grow, Hozukimaru!"

And one, two, three thousand little petals later..

"Bankai!"

"Bankai," Byakuya whispered in answer.

888

Ikkaku tended his wounds and dragged himself to bed. Well, fighting another captain a week before his promotion would go into effect would certainly knock him out of the running. He hadn't wanted to be a captain, anyway, so fuck it.

He'd hurt in the morning- that'd been a good fight. Rukia and he'd just been feelin' each other out, Byakuya wanted his blood.

Byakuya had looked like a truck'd run him over before Tessai and Urahara had bound the two combatants with an assortment of kido spells. When Tessai wanted something to stay put, it _stayed _there, and even tanked to the gills on sake, Urahara was on par with Ise in kido.

Ikkaku reminded himself to apologize to Urahara and Rukia in the morning. As for Byakuya- well, Ikkaku wondered how he'd react if he found his office full of plush black cats. Soi Fong might be willing to loan out her collection for a good cause.

_**1. The "Furude-san" that Ukitake referred to is not a character from another anime series. She just happens to have the same surname. **_

**_2. Helping hand or psychological warfare? I really don't know. _**

**_3. Yes, Tatsuki's being unpleasant right now. But I can't help thinking that she gets to be awful on account of being dead. I don't know what the hell is up with Shinji- I don't think he knows, himself._**

**_4. I can't help thinking that Karakura's Home Ec teachers probably have one of the most dangerous jobs in existence. _**

**_Right, then. Shipping wars to the right lane please. I might explain the pairs in the next chapter, probably not. I'm hoping to keep this thing to five chapters. Review? _**


	3. Am I right, am I wrong?

**Not mine. Fortunately. Soundtrack: As The Days go By, by the Talking Heads.**

Ikkaku yawned and stretched. He liked getting up early, when the day was shiny and new and the birds and brats were just waking up. He dressed quickly and headed out to the water pump.

He almost tripped over the fifth seat, who'd been kicked out of the Shiba house so his sister could have her wicked way with Tessai. Ikkaku figured Kuukaku just had a thing for muscular guys with moustaches. Thank god Don Kanonji hadn't died, or the Seireitei would be fucked.

He dunked his face in the water. Now he'd just make his morning cuppa, forage in the kitchen for breakfast, and spend the morning terrorizing the rookies. He walked right into an ambush.

"Ow! Yachiru, quit it. You're a little lady now, start acting like it!"

Yachiru detached herself and pouted.

"I'm the same old Yachiru I've always been," she said huffily. "Besides, you're leaving soon, so I gotta get my nibbles in."

"Since when do you get up so early?"

"We have a meeting today, and Crown-san's leaving this morning. Ken-chan said I ought to see her off. "

Oh yeah, the meeting. The one where they'd parcel off Ninth, Fifth and Third's officers. As if on cue, a hell butterfly fluttered in.

_Ikkaku Madarame, please report to First at once._

Oh, shit. Yamamoto was taking an _interest._

_88_

Yamamoto glowered at the two errant shinigami. Byakuya looked a little subdued, and Ikkaku was failing at looking unruffled. Yamamoto ranked fairly high on Ikkaku's list of People Not to Annoy.

"Madarame, do you know how many shinigami dream of becoming a captain? You practically have the haori on your shoulders, and then you draw your sword against another captain? I ought to demote you down to rookie, but given the shortage of suitable candidates, I can't do that. Kuchiki, I expected better of you. Rukia _is _eligible for the position after all. You each forfeit two months pay, and I sincerely hope you've both learned a lesson."

_Damn it,_ Ikkaku thought. And then: _my paycheck!_

_88_

"You know, every time I go to these meetings, I keep thinking of the time Mashiro tried growing zucchinis," Kensei confided to Love. "You turn your back on zucchinis for a minute, and they get really big and there are more of 'em then you ever expected."

"You have a point," Love agreed.

"Kensei's weird," Mashiro chirped, hopping on her former captain's back. "And Hachi's behaving really badly. He spent all yesterday with the first wife, so Rose had to go to Eleventh."

"Mashiro, what the hell's this first wife business?" Kensei grumbled.

"Well, Hikifune and Hachi were married- or as good as, anyway. Then he went and cheated on her with Zaraki-taicho and got him knocked up. So Zaraki's the second wife."

"For the last time," Love said. "Yachiru is Hachi's _grand-daughter._"

"Mashiro, honey, Zaraki's a total dom," Lisa said breezily, walking by. "I guarantee you that he wouldn't get knocked up."

"What's a dom, Kensei?" Mashiro asked.

Kensei added another item to his list of "reasons why Yadomaru should have been drowned at birth." He had a feeling explaining the dynamics of certain relationships would only give the little green monster ideas.

88

"So, now we move on to the matter of recruits," Yamamoto said. Ikkaku seethed. Yamamoto'd taken everyone but the fourth seat from his division. At least he got Ninth's third seat in exchange, but he knew fuck-all about the officers he'd got. Eh, he'd just invite them all out for a drink soon.

"Dibs on the Kurosaki sisters," Kenpachi called out.

"Kenpachi-kun," Kyoraku pointed out, "You already have Ganju-kun and the talented Arisawa-chan. Please, leave some recruits for the rest of us."

Yamamoto interrupted, "Zaraki, you have already added forty new recruits to your ranks. How did you manage that?"

"A lot of lost little lambs followed me home. I got soft-hearted and decided to keep them."

Ikkaku bit down on his lip to keep from laughing. Lost little lambs that ate the shepard, more like.

"Y'know, I think that's the biggest whopper I've heard since Yoruichi said she was following the dress code," Rose said. "_And_ that was a century ago."

"I was," Yoruichi retorted. "I was wearing my captain's haori."

"I think you're supposed to wear a uniform underneath."

"Moving on," Kyoraku said. "I'd like to add Karin Kurosaki to my division, please."

"No way," Kensei called. "My division's decimated."

"No one should even consider recruiting the twins until they graduate from high school," Isshin said firmly. "And I'd require collateral from Captain Kyoraku and Captain Mugarame. A testicle apiece ought to do nicely."

"Yay, Dad," Ichigo muttered. No old lechers were going to get their hands on his little sisters.

Isane raised her hand. "Sir, I still require a vice-captain. Unless the vice-captain of Tenth is willing to resume her duties?"

"Not in this life-time," Matsumoto said. "I'm staying with the patrol units."

"What about Ururu or Mashiro?" Urahara suggested.

"Mashiro wants to go traveling with Shinji and Lisa," the greenhaired bane said.

"If Ururu serves anywhere, she's going to serve at Twelfth," Mayuri Kurotsuchi protested.

"Do you happen to like the idea of life as a pudding?" Kenpachi asked lazily. He'd broken Mayuri's wrists on a couple of occasions when he'd seen Mayuri slapping Nemu around. Mayuri took care to reign himself in when Kenpachi was around, as he found healing his wrists a massive inconvienience.

"If you laid a finger on her, I'd let him," Nemu added after Mayuri shot her a Look.

"And of course there's Jinta," Urahara added.

"Don't you dare put another set of children into this meatgrinder," Matsumoto hissed. She stormed out. Sado glanced at Yamamoto, got a nod, and headed out after her. The patrol units had suffered the least casualties, and all their recruits were already tagged and bagged.

Tessai raised his hand. "I wish to recruit Inoue-san."

"I'm sorry," Unohana said, smiling. "Orihime-chan has already agreed to join the Fourth Division when she comes to Soul Society. Her powers were put under considerable strain, though, so right now, she's only at the level of an average reiatsu sensing human."

Orihime muttered something that looked suspiciously like 'thank god.'

"There's been a misunderstanding, Unohana-sama. I wish to recruit _Sora _Inoue. I believe Iba-kun's been training him," Tessai replied.

Ichigo went very, very pale. Orihime smiled happily and nearly bowled Tessai over.

88

The meeting broke up. Ikkaku called Rukia over, and suggested they take a tour of Fifth Division. He noted that Iba really needed to be taken down a peg or three- the man looked far too smug about securing first pick of the Academy students for his division.

"Hey, Hisagi-san," Kensei called. "You want to be my vice-captain?"

"We'd never get any work done," Shuuhei said.

"Yeah, 'cause you'd be too busy getting done," Renji said, elbowing his senpai.

"Not in front of Orihime," Shuuhei squeaked, turning red. Shortly after the War, Ichigo had fucked up with Orihime big time. Rangiku had dumped Shuuhei, and gone off with Yasutora's group to retrieve Ashido. Sado, at the time, had been with Nel, who wanted to show her appreciation because Sado'd used some of his reiatsu to help her stay in her adult form. Then Nel had disappeared, along with Grimmjaw and Szayel. Rangiku and Sado had somehow ended up together, and every bachelor in the Seireitei went into mourning. The reengagement of Iba and Kiyone had followed shortly after that, to almost everyone's surprise. (Kiyone's older sister had only been surprised that it took them so long.)

88

A slim brown-haired young man waved at Ikkaku and Rukia. "Excuse me, Madarame-san, do you know where Iba-sensei went? I was supposed to meet him here."

"You must be Sora Inoue," Ikkaku said. "Iba's at Fourth,taking a nap. You and your sister don't look much alike."

Rukia went almost translucent.

"What the hell are you freaking out about?" Ikkaku asked her.

"I-uh- I just realized, if I'm going to be the vice-captain of Fifth, I'll be sleeping in _Ichimaru's _old quarters. I can't do that, it'd be like sleeping with _him!_ I demand you remedy this immediately!"

Ikkaku suspected that she invented something else to freak out about to cover up the real thing. She wouldn't even be living at Fifth most of the time.

"I don't think _anyone_'ll be living in the vice-captain's quarters for a while," Inoue said. "Since Hinamori-fukutaicho was staying at Fourth before the Winter War began, the defense committee decided to place a few items around Fifth, just in case."

"Are you telling me that someone booby-trapped my division?" Ikkaku snarled.

"Yes. Don't worry, I know where all of them are."

88

Ikkaku winced at the state of the captain's quarters. Hurricane Hinamori had struck with a vengeance. It'd be a long time before the rooms'd be anywhere near habitable-they were damn near ashes. Shit.

He didn't pretend to have high standards, but he liked his living quarters to have four walls and no holes bigger then a hand in those walls. He'd just have to rent a place or room with an officer until he could get the rooms fixed up. At some point, he'd also have to get the duckling brigade to fill in the pits in the courtyard. The boardwalks were nice, but it kinda ruined Fifth's image.

"How are the rooms- oh," Rukia said. "Hinamori must've been really upset."

"She had a right ta be, but I wish she'd saved it for the field," Ikkaku conceded. "Well, I guess we'll just have to bunk somewhere else till I get a chance ta organize things. How's yours?"

"My jail cell had less monitors then those quarters. But at least it's got all four walls. I'll have to replace the furnishings."

"Oh, that's no problem. Just ask Kotetsu to take the monitors out. By the way, why do you and Ichigo dislike Sora Inoue so much?"

"We don't dislike him as such," Rukia said, looking at the floor. "It's just.. worrying, that's all. Two years were erased from his memory. It's probably better that way. I ought to get back soon."

"Yeah, me too. I should drop by Second-between his girlfriend and work, I've hardly seen Yumichika at all lately."

Fine, if she was gonna play coy, he'd just ask Sora.

88

"Question time, sensei," Renji said, having fought his way through the mob. Dinners at Eleventh were always a madhouse, but lately, it'd been even more of a mob scene. Most of the old hands dropped by Eleventh every so often- Yumichika and Renji had been let off their respective leashes tonight.

"It's silly to call me that when you outrank me," Ikkaku pointed out.

"Only for a few more days. How do you shut up a subordinate who won't stop talking about another shinigami? I'll scream if I have to hear about Mugarame one more time."

"Throwing you in the koi pond always worked."

"I tried that. It hasn't worked on Shuuhei."

"Throw him into a bag after Orihime leaves and leave it on Kensei's doorstep. Or throw him _and _Orihime into the bag. I'm sure she'd enjoy herself."

"You get to distract Tats, then."

"Yeah, yeah," Ikkaku said. He prodded his noodles with his chopsticks. It paid to be cautious, now that Kenpachi'd discovered chile peppers. He was still a little bit dissatisfied. Sora hadn't been faking the amnesia, he was sure. Konso amnesia wasn't uncommon, but that didn't explain Rukia's reaction.

As for the whole Rukia thing- Ikkaku knew he had to come clean. It wasn't fair to her to be used as a pawn, again.

"I gotta go."

"And miss dessert? Unohana-taicho's coming over to taste it. Chocolate-chile ice cream with fried bananas- this is gonna be fuckin' epic," Renji exclaimed.

Unohana claimed she was coming over to test the ice cream for 'the health and safety of the public.' Admittedly, it did sound like something Orihime would make, but Kenpachi claimed that the public wasn't in danger from anything but 'deliciousness.'

"I don't care for sweets."

88

Ikkaku found his quarry sitting by Thirteenth's lake.

"I just thought we should have a chat," he explained. "It's a madhouse over at Eleventh right now."

"I can't hear anything," Rukia said. "Everyone must still be sober."

"Anyway," he said. "I thought I should come clean. I meant everything I said about ya, but I never intended to become a captain. I figured Kuchiki-taicho'd kick up such a fuss that I'd never be considered again. He did fuss, but Yamamoto just fined us both for fighting."

"So that's how Ni-sama got beaten up," Rukia grumbled. "He gets so over-protective. But that doesn't mean I'm letting you off the hook."

"Huh? What do you mean?"

Rukia pushed him, hard. He lost his balance and landed face first in the lake. Rukia wasn't that mad- she hadn't frozen the lake first.

88

Tatsuki cocked her head, looking amused. "So what happened? Looks like Madarame the brave got drunk and fell into the lake."

"I was pushed," Ikkaku said, attempting to wring out the top of the uniform.

"A likely story. Hmm.."

"What?"

"Is that a frog in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?"

88

It was, indeed, a frog. Tatsuki didn't have to snicker so much, Ikkaku thought as he squelched home.

Hopefully, Rukia'd accept once she had a day to cool off. He'd really hate to lose her to some other division. He scowled. He didn't want to be a captain, but the universe seemed to disagree. Couldn't the universe go and pick on someone else? His luck'd been going straight downhill ever since he'd met Yachiru and Kenpachi.

_Damn, why did I do this to myself? Things were simpler when I just had ta worry about food and watchin' Yumichika's back. Then I had ta go shootin' off my mouth in Akizuki, and look where __**that **__got me. If I'd known it'd lead to this, I'd've just kept my trap shut._

Yeah, right.

_**1. I don't know where the Tessai thing came from. Well, they have similar interests, and those servants she has look a bit like Tessai. If anyone dares to write a Don Kanonji/ Kuukaku fic, I'll review it. It's bound to be cracktastic, even if it's not romance.**_

_**2. Yamamoto actually ranked second on that list. First place belonged to Unohana.**_

**_3. Nel and Sado are actually pretty alike. They're both pacifists, after all. After the Bount Arc, I thought Ran and Sado'd make a fantastic couple,(yeah, yeah, fillers are not cannon, I know) and 'Viene converted me to the 'ship of Shuuhei and Orihime. _**

**_4. Chocolate and chile are wonderful together. And I'm not sure why Tatsuki's character ended up as Mae West's and Jackie Chan's love child. _**

**_Profile business: New poll will be up tomorrow. Next chapter will be the week after next. I'd also like to give National 'Sneak Zucchini onto your Neighbor's Porch Night' (August 8) a shout out. I salute those who are burdened with unwanted zucchini!_**

**_*Coughs* Reviews? _**


	4. Someday I'll say words of thanks

_**I'm just playing in someone else's sandbox. Loads of speculation and mild spoilers ahoy. Theme: Sono Hi Sora wa kitto Aoi, Haruhi Suzamiya's season 2 theme. All right, onto the story.**_

"G' morning, Rukia," Renji said, dissecting his omelet. "Morning, Kotetsu-jo, what are you doing here?"

Isane smiled. "Morning, Abarai-san. Rukia-chan let me stay over. It's closer to Tenth Division then my quarters at Fourth."

Renji blinked. "Don't you have that big ol' place near Ukitake's house?"

"It's being redecorated."

"What about Hitsugaya-taicho's old quarters?"

Isane coughed nervously. "The reiatsu shielding's all worn out, and Sado's music gives me a headache. I'm glad Matsumoto's doing better, but I feel like I'm living with a pair of newly-weds on their honeymoon."

Renji turned red, and Byakuya studied his tea leaves. Isane helped herself to some miso soup and rice. The truth was, she just couldn't stay at Tenth beyond work hours. Sado and Rangiku were uncomfortably close,(if not actually intimate), and she kept seeing Hitsugaya's left-behind belongings as a silent reproach. Rangiku only trusted Sado, and refused to seek Unohana's or Isane's help.

Isane didn't blame her, she had nightmares as well, and deserved every bit of blame. She could've saved Hinamori for sure, maybe even Sarugaki, but not while protecting Unohana from attacks. Unohana had told her to fight and leave the wounded in her hands. And Isane had obeyed, even though she should have ignored those orders.

Rukia poked at her breakfast, feeling uncomfortable. No wonder she hadn't seen Sado much lately. She'd initially put it down to his muse taking him hostage (and a seriously bruised heart). For some, music was a hobby; for Sado it was an addiction.

Come to think of it, she hadn't seen _any _of her friends much lately, except for Ichigo, Renji and Kiyone. She only saw Renji so often because he'd pretty much moved into the mansion. Ichigo was spending time with his family today, and Kiyone was busy training for shikai and spending time with her fiancé. If Iba didn't have a well-trained set of officers, he wouldn't have time to sleep. His clan and division duties kept him busy, and he had a student to train as well.

Sentaro always seemed to be busy: gaining shikai had been a mixed blessing, as Kensei was a stern taskmaster. Rukia couldn't remember the last time the Shinigami Women's Association had met. The President was actually taking an interest in her duties as a lieutenant, and the Vice-President was helping the Kido Corps disable booby traps.

Hanataro had just been promoted, and Ganju was now a rookie shinigami at Eleventh. Tessai was busy too, as he had to screen recruits and defuse various kido traps left around Seireitei. Tatsuki was kept hopping by her sensei, and Ishida was in the living world. Orihime was working at Fourth. Most of her powers were tapped out, but Unohana always needed a spare set of hands. Rukia made a mental note to catch up with everyone.

"Renji, do you have to be at Ninth early?" Rukia asked.

"Not really. If you want to, we can walk together."

"I have more paperwork to do," Isane said. "Oh, Rukia-jo, did you remember to turn in your design for your personal seal?"

"Actually, I have to go by Eleventh today. Yachiru-fukutaicho offered to design one for me."

She was not looking forward to that. She needed to talk with Ikkaku, but she really didn't want to. He was so dumb, blurting all that out. How could anyone _not_ want to be a captain?

888

"Renji, you know Madarame pretty well, right?"

"Yep. Listen, Rukia, you've gotta give him a chance. Did you know, he won't even consider anyone else? Not even Yumichika?"

"He'd probably have to fight Shihouin-hime, and I know he's not very fond of Second, in general."

"Second broke up a hollow-elimination scheme he'd set up. I don't think he's ever forgiven Soi-Fong-taicho for that. Anyway, you have to understand that Ikkaku hid his bankai for years, because he didn't want to leave Eleventh."

"He had it before the war?"

"Yeah. Shuuhei, Yumichika and I were the only ones who knew about it. I'm pretty sure Zaraki-taicho guessed at some point, but he probably kept quiet 'cause he didn't want to lose Ikkaku."

Rukia could understand that. Kenpachi had had a bit of trouble in the early days of his command, but Ikkaku and Yumichika had always been his trusted right hand men.

888

"What do you think, Rabbit?" Yachiru asked anxiously. She'd done her very best on Rukia's seal.

Rukia smiled. "It's beautiful. Thank you."

Yachiru smiled back. "By the way, Rabbit-chan, do you like your name? 'Rukia?'"

"Of course I like it. Why?"

"If I get a baby sis, I want her to have your name! After all, you were the one Baldy chose for his second, and you're a hero of the war! She'll probably have to be 'Ruri' for a while, so you two don't get mixed up."

"I don't have any problem with that," Rukia said finally. "But don't you think 'Kirio' might be better?"

"Hmm.. I'll have to ask Ken-chan!" Yachiru said. "Crown-san'd be pleased. Did you know, she's moving back here with Chiyo-chan?"

She ran off. Tatsuki sighed.

"Something wrong?" Rukia asked. "Want to come out for lunch with me?"

"I'll have to smile and endure baby names for an hour when Zaraki-sensei gets done with his work. I'd like to come, but I'm having lunch with someone, and I have to get a start on my homework before that. Just like school, only we get to blow things up."

"Later then," Rukia said.

"Oh, and one more thing. I know Ikkaku can be a jerk, but at least, give him a chance."

888

There was a little noodle shop that Ikkaku liked to go to every once in a while. The food was pleasant, and the staff was nice.

It was near Seventh's area of the Seireitei, and it was just perfect for a not-really-a-date lunch. Tatsuki surveyed the restaurant, gave a small nod, and stepped inside. He let out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding.

"What do you usually have?" she asked.

"The ginger beef udon's my favorite, but everything they've got is good."

Tatsuki glanced at the menu when they got their table, and quickly chose. The service was prompt. Ikkaku had done a few fix-it jobs around the place when the boys got too rowdy.

"So what did you talk with Urahara-san about? It's hard to believe he was your teacher," Tatsuki asked.

_Someone's been blabbing. I shoulda drowned that brat in a rain barrel,_ Ikkaku thought darkly.

"I wanted to know if he knew any useful lieutenant-wrangling techniques. He was too hungover to help much. I don't think Kuchiki's the kinda woman who gets off on kicking people in the balls, anyway."

"His lieutenant wasn't Soi Fong-taicho was it?"

"No. His second was a girl named Hiyori Sarugaki. She's dead now. Anyway Soi-Fong doesn't do that sort a thing. She just ninges, and then the enemy's dead."

"So, what's with Zaraki-sensei and names?" Tatsuki asked, changing the subject. Everyone in Eleventh tried not to mention Hiyori.

"Names are important ta him. You know Sora Inoue, right? He and Zaraki-taicho both have bad cases of konso amnesia. Taicho forgot the name he had, and Inoue-kun lost a few years of memories."

"That explains it," Tatsuki said. "Anyway, Rukia came by to pick up her seal while you were gone. I still don't get that, it's like something out of the middle ages."

"Each captain and vice-captain has a personal seal. It has to have the division's symbol on it, but beyond that, the design's left up to the person. That patch on your shoulder is Zaraki-taicho's personal seal- it shows that you're his apprentice."

Tatsuki ran a finger over the embroidery: a sword with a necklace hanging from its guard, with a yarrow flower and ginkgo leaf in the background. She'd never considered that Kenpachi had chosen this design for himself. He might be her teacher, but she really didn't understand him at all.

Ikkaku smiled to himself. One challenge down, one to go. Spending time with Tatsuki was really pleasant, and he hoped she agreed.

"Hey, Tatsuki," Sado called. "Madarame, haven't seen you in a while. Uh, Tats, this is Rangiku."

"We've met," Tatsuki said. "I'd been wondering where you'd gotten to, Chad."

Ikkaku gave Matsumoto a sharp look, as she gave Sado's hand a squeeze. She was gonna make the poor kid blush himself to death.

"Congratulations," Tatsuki said. "I heard you're going to be a captain."

Sado shrugged. "I think Yamamoto just wants to keep tabs on me. Congratulations, Madarame. And don't worry about Kuchiki, he'll eventually come around."

"Hey, Ikkaku, if you see Renji, tell him that I want my copy of The Black Book of Kido back. I've been trying to find him all day. Want to join everybody for lunch?"

"If I see Ichigo I'll pound his face in," Tatsuki grumbled. "Pass."

"It's good for him," Sado said. "You should probably beat him up more often."

"Yasu, be a dear and order for us. I'll have the noodles with leeks and plum sauce," Rangiku said. When he left, she gave Ikkaku a wink.

"Actually, I just had to get him out of Tenth. That boy, he just wants to play music and scribble lyrics all day...oh, hang onto this notebook until the ceremony, would you?"

She pulled a much used notebook out of her pocket. Ikkaku recognized it as Sado's, but pocketed it anyway. It annoyed him that Rangiku used the same tone of exasperated fondness about Sado that Unohana used when she talked about Kenpachi. Rangiku coulda had any man at all- and she went cradle-snatching. Hozukimaru muttered something about a pot and a kettle.

"I've never heard of that book," Tatsuki said, when the couple left. "Is it a book of forbidden spells?"

"You'd think so," Ikkaku said. "It's actually, um, interesting applications of the binding spells."

"What- oh. Is it just me, or did someone dump a buttload of pheromones on the Seireitei?"

"Unohana says it happens naturally after every war. People start pairing up and having brats."

"Kusajishi-fukutaicho was complaining about it the other day. Apparently the Shinigami Women's Association hasn't met in months, and the Men's Association is defunct."

"Yeah, I know. Iba was after me to take over from him."

"And?"

"I got better ways ta waste my time. 'Sides, most of the members are either bagged by the SWA or dead. The manliest guys I know are boring their subordinates with baby names or tryin' ta get their captain ta keep her clothes on."

"We have terrible taste in friends," Tatsuki muttered.

"Can't say I have any argument with that," Ikkaku agreed.

888

Rukia felt a bit melancholy as she surveyed the 'picnic area'- a small area of green space near Sixth. A year ago, before her mission to Karakura, she'd come here with a few other shinigami. She could still picture everyone who had been there on that day. Yumichika gossiping with Rangiku, and both of them flirting with Shuuhei and Kira. Hitsugaya, scowling into his lunch while Hinamori rattled on about Fifth Division's doings. Kiyone and Sentaro quarreling and then getting teased by Iba. Isane stealing a few choice morsels from Iba's lunch while he was distracted. Yachiru had coaxed Nemu into climbing a tree, and Nanao dozed over her green tea.

Rukia'd been reading the latest reports from Karakura, preparing for her departure two weeks later. Since Kaien's death, she'd lived by the motto that one could never be overprepared. Hah! Back then, she'd only been concerned about missing the annual hanami that Ukitake hosted. The mission to Karakura had seemed easy: hunt a hollow or two, get back in a month. How was she to realize it had already gone so wrong?

So many lost, so many hurt and injured along the way, she thought. For a few weeks after the war, her days had been filled with nothing but funerals. She'd attended all of Thirteenth's services, and Sarugaki's funeral as well. Sarugaki, despite her century spent as a fugitive, had been buried with full honors. Hinamori's funeral had been the worst. Hinamori'd died of her wounds in the Seireitei, although some said she could have been saved. Gin could've been healed too, but she knew two shinigami, two humans, and an Arrancar that swore up down and sideways that he'd refused all treatment. Tousen and Aizen were ashclouds in the dust of Karakura.

A small marker had sprouted near the grave of Tousen's lady-love, despite Yamamoto's order that no memorials were to be put up for the traitors. A highly suspicious ginkgo and persimmon trio had been planted near Sokyoku Hill. And two new graves were made in the town of Karakura for Isshin and Tatsuki.

Thirteenth seemed to be smaller these days, and she kept looking for comrades who weren't coming back. Hitsugaya had departed sometime during the retrieval of Ashido- his status was unknown, but Hyorinmaru was still active.

Kira swore that he'd never take up Wabisuke again, and spent his time with his new wife and his clan elders. Soi Fong had thrown herself into her role as clan leader. Ukitake was retiring, planning to find a wife and settle down.

Iba had been a minor renegade noble then, now he was the head of a major house. The Shibas had been reinstated- Kaien would've been proud. Shuuhei had new scars, and diplomatically ignored Rangiku while he sat in the sun with Orihime. Rangiku, for her part, was teasing Sado about his sensitivity to cold. Rukia knew, better than most, that wounds to the heart were the hardest to mend. But Rangiku seemed to be healing, a bit.

All those children that she'd met that spring were now men and women. If she'd never taken that mission, would those events have changed? Archimedes had once said he needed a lever to move the world- had he ever considered that the lever might prefer the world to stay put?

"Rukia, it's been too long," Orihime said. "Did you know Byakuya tried to kill Iba-dono with a picture frame? We've all been exchanging stories about our friends."

"If Kuchiki-taicho'd been serious, I wouldn't be here," Iba pointed out. "But from now on, I'm sticking to plates as wedding gifts- no more paintings. Ah, Kuchiki-jo, I was wondering if Kiyo and I could name our daughter after you."

"You'd have to ask Zaraki-taicho, I seem to have promised him that honor."

"Good for him," Rangiku said. "He always seems so happy when he's got little kids to herd."

"I plan to be far away when that happy event takes place," Yumichika said, looking up from the Orihime special he'd looted from Shuuhei. He already had a captain to babysit, fuckyouverymuch.

"Doesn't it worry anyone that Zaraki-taicho and Dad are considered parental role models?" Ichigo asked. Rukia made a mental note to get him to do something about his hair. It had stayed long and shaggy since the war. His reiatsu and zanpakuto hadn't quite recovered, either.

"Hey, if I do as well with little Retsu, or little Saijin, I'd be a proud man," Iba replied.

"I thought we agreed on 'Ryoko' for a girl," Kiyone murmured.

"You want to name your kid 'violent'? I feel sorry for any of your offspring," Ichigo said.

"At least it's not 'strawberry,'" Rukia teased.

"My name means 'number one guardian' and don't you forget it!"

"Are you sure about that?" Iba asked. "I'm kind of surprised Karin-jo wasn't named 'Mikan.'"

"Leave my sisters out of this!"

Orihime chuckled, watching her former crush and the nobles squabble. Rukia smiled. Sometimes, it was nice to take a break. This place, these people were what she fought for, and she wanted to always remember that.

Each of these men and women were doing something to mend Seireitei, and gathering their strength for tomorrow's battle. She, too, had a role to play in Seireitei's rebirth. She might be walking down the same road Hinamori and Ichimaru took, but Ikkaku was no Aizen. She didn't admire Madarame, but he was powerful and skilled- certainly worthy of respect. She didn't plan to be like Hinamori, following blindly behind her captain. She would be Madarame's partner, helping to lead the division into the battle dance.

_Hinamori, did you want to protect this place too? Or could you not see anyone but him? You always were too trusting, my friend. I hope, as a human, you find more happiness then you did this time around. Someday, I'll thank Madarame for this chance, but I plan to make him suffer a little first._

**1. We all know there's got to be something like "The Black Book" floating around Seireitei. Oh, and 'Yasutora' is actually Chad's first name. Fooled me too.**

**2. A 'mikan' is a winter orange, a 'yuzu' is a lime-like fruit.**

**Sorry for the abysmally long wait. **


End file.
